I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
