you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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