well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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