Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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