Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
