And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
