so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
