Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
