I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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