Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
