whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
