Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
