I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
