I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize