im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
