Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
