but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
