ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize