dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
