I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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