sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
