dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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