I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ok first of all what the fuck
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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