i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
