So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
