I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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