Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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