I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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