i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
