Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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