if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
