I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
