I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
