I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The uberlube is also flammable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
