He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
