She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
