all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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