glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
