Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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