Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
