Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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