the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
