some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
