Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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