I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize