If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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