i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
