Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
