They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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