it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
