He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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