you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
