She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
