goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
whose parrot is this?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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