That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Operation Purity has been aborted
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Verdict: uncircumcised.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
