I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Text me some of your sweat
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize