She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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