dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
