im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
