I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just invented taco cereal.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
