I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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