I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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