Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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