brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
how drunk are you?
Several
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
