he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
