Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
