So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
