so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
