Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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